I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
