We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
