But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
