You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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