Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
