I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
