she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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