Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
