How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My pussy is not your playground.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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