my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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