Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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