My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
