my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
