I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All the doctor said was why
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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