mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i've created a new STD.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
