For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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