its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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