I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
