Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
