Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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