Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
