Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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