did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
