Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
