I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
