so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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