I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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