I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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