your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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