im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize