then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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