I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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