I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
