i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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