If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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