the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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