That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
