Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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