are you so shy because you have an std?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
