Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
