We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
