So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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