My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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