True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
