the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
