if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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