ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
