We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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