How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
