hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
