Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
