What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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