why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry about my life...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
