I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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