My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
