I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
