Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
