New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
