frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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