He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
