her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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