I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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