So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish you could order shots online.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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