I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
as a side note pls kill me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
