I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
