I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
