you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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