what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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